The Art of Towel Preservation: Or, How to Keep Your Terrycloth Looking Spiffy

You wouldn’t believe the number of fellows I encounter who treat their Bath Linens like they were disposable Handkerchiefs. They take a perfectly good Towel, fresh from the General Store, and proceed to wring the life out of it with harsh Soaps and scalding Water. It’s a crying shame, I tell you!

Now, a well-cared-for Towel, that’s a thing of beauty and a joy to use. But keeping those fibers fluffy and absorbent, well, that takes a little know-how.

First off, let’s talk about Laundry Day. You want to be gentle with those Towels, like you’re courting a High Society Deb. None of that strong-arm stuff! Use a mild Soap, something that won’t leave your Towels smelling like a Carbolic Acid Factory. And ease up on the heat, will ya? Too much hot water will shrink those Towels faster than a shyster lawyer confronted with a Courthouse full of witnesses.

Here’s a tip I picked up from a fella who ran a Turkish Bath: every now and then, toss a cup of Vinegar in with your wash. It’ll cut through the Soap residue and leave your Towels feeling soft as a Downy Chick. And whatever you do, steer clear of those Fabric Softeners! They might smell like a rose garden, but they’ll coat your Towels with a film that’ll make ’em about as absorbent as a Oilcloth Tablecloth.

Now, once you’ve got those Towels laundered, don’t just go tossing them on any old Hook. Give ’em some breathing room! Hang ’em up straight on a nice, wide Bar, preferably in a well-ventilated Bathroom. A damp Towel crammed into a dark corner is just begging for Mildew to move in.

And finally, a word about Ironing. Some folks, I swear, they’d iron their Shoe Laces if you gave ’em a chance. But when it comes to Towels, put down that Iron and back away slowly! Ironing crushes the loops that give Towels their absorbency, leaving them flat and lifeless.

Remember, Friend, a little TLC goes a long way when it comes to Towel Care. Treat your Linens right and they’ll reward you with years of faithful service. And if all else fails, there’s always the Shirt off your back. Just don’t come crying to me if you catch a chill.