A Man’s Pillow Is His Fortress (Unless He Uses a Pillow Protector, That Is)

Well, folks, I was over at this fella’s house the other night for a little pinochle, see. Nice guy, but let me tell you, the pillows on his guest bed looked like they’d gone through the war. Not this last war, you understand, but one fought back when pillows were stuffed with straw. Lumpy, stained, you name it. I took one look and thought, “This guy needs help.”

Now, I’m no mama’s boy, but I know a thing or two about getting a good night’s sleep. And let me tell you, it all starts with a decent pillow. But even a top-notch, goose-feather pillow ain’t gonna stay pristine forever. That’s where these so-called “pillow protectors” come in, see? I know, I know, sounds like something a fella would use to win a pie-eating contest. But believe me, they’re onto something with these things.

First off, they keep your pillow clean, which, last I checked, is always a good thing. You sweat at night, even if you don’t want to admit it. Your pillow soaks it up. Then there’s drool, makeup, hair tonics, you get the idea. A protector keeps all that nasty business from soaking into your pillow, turning it into a breeding ground for all sorts of unsavory characters. And don’t even get me started on them microscopic critters – dust mites, they call ’em. Live in your pillow, feast on your dead skin. Disgusting, ain’t it? But a good protector keeps those fellas out, too.

But it ain’t just about cleanliness, see? These protectors can make your pillow last longer. Nobody wants to be buyin’ new pillows every other week. And with a protector keeping all that gunk at bay, your pillow stays in tip-top shape for a good long while. Saves you money in the long run, and who doesn’t love that?